I realized tonight how important it is to always be happy and positive.
Because that's what makes us special.
I love you XoXo.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
I'm rushing round in a black whirlpool of thoughts that I can't get out of. My arm's sticking out and I just want to be pulled out. I know I can pull myself out but I don't have the energy. I don't have the drive. I'm the only one in my whirlpool and no-one can hear me cry. I only hear distant voices. I don't know if I'm shouting or just imagining that I am, or maybe my voice is lost. I hate these periods in my life. I get into a hole and my emotions just drag me deeper. I'm so happy to the world that I don't want to break down in front of anyone, because I don't even know what I'm crying about. It all feels so stupid. I just want to be out of this cage, where no-one knows how to help lift me out of this mess. I feel like I'm in a house of vines. Black, green. I can see blue skies and white clouds but they seem so far away. I want to stay awake and get things done, but lack of sleep makes me worse, but getting sleep wastes the time I have to get things done. I'm torn apart between a life of work, a life of school, a life of chasing dreams, and a life of getting by. If my emotional state wasn't so fragile this would all be easy. If motivation were a pill, I need it now, in higher doses. Along with a fix my life for a day pill so I can feel caught up. I'm not sure what I need to get my life together but I need it now.