Rainbows on the horizon.

Travelling on a whim is the best way to travel. And next week I'm making a beeline for Vancouver the second the clock strikes payday.

I am your host. Thanks for being here. I am Single.

I am about to watch Russell Peters comedies by myself, and I wish I had someone to share the laughs and sit close with, so I can die laughing and bury my face in their arms. And rub my tears on their sleeve- tears from laughing so damn hard.

Ah yes, pathetic, lonely me.

My life is so substantial, but it lacks substance. Substance being that one person I can have an intelligent conversation with on the daily. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of people to talk to who are awesome and we talk about awesome things. But that ONE person, that I can talk to about absolutely anything and everything. I realized this yesterday. Having someone to talk to keeps me sane.

I'm starting to notice a pattern here. All I talk about is being single. But then again technically we were put on this earth so that we can meander and bump into somebody. And then create another somebody. So I suppose I'm just being human.

I miss you, I'm goin back home to the west coast.

Sometimes a fragment of unexpected news can brighten up your day, or even week, even if it seems temporarily and vaguely significant. The fact that it reaches your ears is musical enough. I smiled from ear to ear and wanted to hug myself, a little bit.

I decided randomly the other day that if I don't find a significant other by 30, I am adopting. Even if I am single, I refuse to lack my own family. Sort of a depressing thought for me to be thinking at this age, but a large sum of women in my family have a curse of being single for the remainder of their lifetimes and if I have that curse, well I'd like to experience raising kids at the very least.

I got a new job! Jump.ca HELLO!

Oh and you are so beautiful and awesome, I stumble over my very own words when I see you. It's quite embarassing. I used to be confident at one point but you make me so shy I practically stutter when I talk to you. Hopeless, oh so hopeless.

I have also concluded that I want to spend a day doing volunteer work at the Friendship Inn this weekend. After working at footlocker, I've developed a love for "inner city" kids. Or I could possibly do a big sister program? I just want to look after some kids and be there for them. Children are so rad and amazing. They never fail to generate a smile off my face, and I'd like to do the same for them.

Materialism is only wrong when you don't appreciate what you have.

Throughout my whole life I'd been dependent on the loved ones around me for my material things. Now I can officially say that I work hard for the things on my back. And I am truly proud.

Creative minds.

After I spent a day with Tion, Robert, Zac and Del. It made me realize that I just need to get to a bigger city. I don't belong in tight spaces. This growing mind of mine needs a bigger playground. Home is comfort, but elsewhere is an opportunity for me to be free.

I need to escape.

I keep deepening the gashes in my heart faster than they can heal. If I keep this up I will have nothing left. My insecurity around the opposite gender is devouring me. My radar for a potential broken heart is getting so sensitive, I'm scared the right person will come my way but i'll reject them for fear of getting hurt. I'm beginning to expect getting hurt before I offer anyone a chance, and then I push them away too swiftly. If I ever fall victim to you, please have mercy on me. Don't inflate my hopes if you're planning to pop them afterwards. I'm too fragile right now.

Normality is over-rated.

I may be strange. But name one iconic genius who wasn't. I'm not saying I'm a genius. Or iconic. I'm just saying...



Strangeness is greatness. Be strange. Be yourself. Who gives a damn what people think as long as you accomplish what you want to accomplish.

Question.

If hiphop is dead, then how am I still livin?

Hoy.

There are numerous reasons as to why being Filipino is awesome.
Coming home to a fresh pot of rice at 1:00 A.M is one of them.

Finally went out and watched a movie for the first time in ages.
I'm beginning to hermit a bit.
But it feels good.

Step lightly.

I'll throw down red warning flags before you even THINK the words pootie tang. My sense of trust is a landmine.

Dreams, dreams, dreams.

I just want someone to hold. Someone I can skate with, shoot photos with, read with, drink coffee with, travel with, listen to old records with. Someone to hold my hand, and kiss me goodnight.

But I will be single for the rest of my life if it means never getting hurt again. I'm sick of getting hurt.

Where are you, whoever you are, that I'm supposed to fall in love with? I need you. I want to settle down from this crazy life of mine. And chill with you on a rainy day, and enjoy the simplicities of life.

I want to cook you epic meals and eat it outside, and listen to jams.
I want to wake up to you and hug you, and have showers in the morning.
Go to work, and come home to a smile, and go out for a drink.
Plan voyages together and shoot happy photos.
Spend a whole day at the book store and laugh at funny stories.
Skate down the street and touch hands and push eachother to land things.
Play video games and whoop eachothers asses.
Fall asleep, side by side, with books in our hands, or with an awesome movie on the television that we're too exhausted to finish watching because we'd had such an awesome day.

But right now you don't exist. And I'm quite upset, and lonely.

Hello old love.

To hell with shenanigans ... I love skateboarding!

A day of personal accomplishments.

The student councillor at the university suggested today that I pursue a degree in studio arts. It includes classes such as english, drama, painting, a science such as physics or geology, art history, photography all summer. All sounds right up my alley for a pretty epic year.

I also discovered that there is a natural foods section in Superstore- "Ah. Ahhhhh. AHHHHHHH!!!!!"- I can do all my grocery shopping in one section now instead of cherry picking organic labeled products out of every aisle. Go superstore. Thanks for getting with the game.

I am dying my hair tonight. Spontaneous decision. Goin dark as usual.

SBC photo annual = Night at the roastery ogling my dreams = Win.

And now i'm currently cooking up a concoction of Romagna four-cheese tortellini with organic tomato and mushroom sauce and veggie ground round. I have absolutely no idea what to expect but it sounded like a good idea. (After eating it I conclude that it was an awesome idea.)

Copped a sick flannel at Value Village as well as a rad little present of gratitude for mom, a little "VIVI MEXICO" ornament.

Uploaded yet another photo album.

I bought my Wayfarer glasses today. 10 days and they reside on my face. With transition lenses. Not to mention I received a pretty epic deal on them and a pair of 'Mike Burns' glasses.

Played my first game of skate in a few weeks. I am anticipating the day I become less rusty, nevertheless it felt ruthlessly amazing.

I love grocery shopping. I really can't wait to move out on my own again. This time, my own place.

In conclusion, the day I took off work was the best day this week so far.

I'm so dizzy, my head is spinnin.

I need to take a day to stay home and just chill with myself one of these days. It feels like it's been an eternity since I've done that.

Lets do the time warp again.

Never bend backwards to those who make themselves out to be higher than you. The only person who places them on a higher pedestal is yourself. When you remove this pedestal from your mind, you can be whoever you want to be, and no-one can stop you.

When did my life get so busy?

I don't remember the last time I took a day to relax. Relax meaning spending a day inside, and then continuing to stay home for the evening and watch t.v shows and movies by myself. Or drink tea and read books all night. I'm constantly around people. Its wearing out my mind. I am engulfed by my need to be around friends all the time. I need to live on my own where I can control my own life at my own pace. I miss sprawling out on my living room floor and falling asleep to movies. I miss cleaning my kitchen. I miss cooking my own meals. I miss having a crew of friends over until the wee hours of the morning, drinking beers or playing video games, or simply doing whatever........ah fuck it. I need to fucking sleep.

Details of a thread.

Today I deemed it necessary to hang a Broadway Roastery cup in my room by a hemp string. The Roastery Cup is a symbolism of unity and is such an integral part of my life, and the first day I stepped foot in there was a life-changing, pivotal moment. I spend so many precious hours there with my closest friends, and I meet a myriad of amazing people there on a daily basis. Everybody I meet there is extremely genuine and unique.

Tomorrow I'm going on a maniacal shopping binge. I am executing my first book purchase since I've started my job, which is going to be an illustrative interpretation of Bob Dylan songs. I am then going to proceed to make my way to the spec shop to buy some Wayfarers, and putting prescription lenses in them because I am blind as a bat flying through a field in daylight. I'm going to buy some earrings and increase my guage size, because I've been rocking screws in my ears for way longer than necessary. Following that I'm going to buy the beginnings of my spring wardrobe, as well as an external hard drive to stock pile the collective photos over the last year that I'm afraid is going to be the death of my laptop if I don't transfer them soon. Yup, my day, and paycheck, is completely planned out.

Art shows at Flint move me. I'm glad I went.

So does the movie American Beauty that I was privileged enough to see for the first time today. I overlooked the cover of the movie and never took the time to watch it, teaching me one the most repeated lessons in life, never judge a DVD by its cover. That movie reflects my thoughts on life to a T at many points.

Anyways time is ticking, and I'm lacking sleep, 9 hours of sleep in 72 hours to be exact, and I want to be awake as much as I possibly can to get work done before I succumb to fatigue. Adieu.

The things you don't have are the most appealing.

I think I'm in love with the unattainable.

Apple cherries.

My life is a tangle of confusion. One minute I think I'm flying, the next I think I'm drowning. When I'm surrounded by many, I still feel alone. I am doused in my own thoughts, which overpower me. Like vines, the more I fight them the tighter they get , around my mind, overwhelming me with the world. I can see, but only in a limited sense. I am very nearsighted. Mentally and phyisically. I cannot see far ahead. The path ahead is fuzzy. There is a mist, and it bellows my name, envelopes my senses, and releases me into chaos, disguised as composure and order. I am following a map, but the roads have no names, and there is no north, east, south or west. It is blank and I have a pen. I am drawing my own path, but my hands are shaky, and the roads don't always go in the direction I intend to draw them towards. I am traveling across a golden prairie, a strawberry coloured sunset glows in the air, dispersing colors through clouds as translucent drops of water float down to the ground. Liquid gemstones reflecting a convex image of the world. Everything appears smaller and brighter. This is the utopia in my mind, full of fall coloured trees. The rest of the world is coloured like spring: Pastels, bright blue skies, clouds so puffy and white, with flashing silver linings. I remember the world looked like this, in the eyes of a child. In the eyes of this child. The world was so different to me. And only now when the sweet smell of foliage enters my lungs, can I see the world from this view. This view so broad and clear. As if at the top of a canyon, looking down on an entire world. I'm floating and I don't know where I'm going. The soft breeze is drifting me away, to mossy havens, where its soft and pine needles fragrance the air, gently. I need to get away to a place like this. Where I can only hear the voices of nature. No distracting sounds to lead my mind astray. At one point in time, the world seemed to make sense to me. Now its just a jigsaw puzzle, and I have misplaced a few pieces. My mind is always on the run. I need to lie down, and rest for a minute.

I love writing. I love putting words together. They don't need to be understandable. They just need to project imagery. Imagery of what I am seeing. I cannot see the world for what it is. I imagine it from my own perspective. And my perspective is so different from reality. I think I like it better that way...

If you regret, then spend a day doing things that you will never regret.

Today was a day of radness. Days are so much better when plans are not involved. Spontaneous Sundays mean trying something new. And today I learned how to longboard. I swore I never would. But you know what, open mindedness makes life that more exciting.